Another blog...

I've thought long and hard about documenting our struggles with infertility on our public family blog. It is suppose to be ALL about our lives and in a lot of ways I feel like a fake painting a picture that our life is always rosy and fun filled with romantic dates, exciting trips and fun with friends, when behind closed doors that isn't always the case. Yelling, screaming, tears, heartbreak, jealously, anger...Behind closed doors our lives have been anything but rosy and fun over the past 2 years as we have desperately struggled to have a baby.

In some ways I want share all of the details with our friends and family since I tend to be a pretty open person, especially with those close to me (and, oddly sometimes with strangers -- e.g. the yoga teacher I told today about our IVF!). In other ways I've lost a lot of myself during this 2 year struggle and in many ways and on many days I am a screaming, crying, mess of a person. This messy, vulnerable person isn't someone I want to share with our larger social group.

So why start another blog? Well, for a few reasons:

- I think it will help me to open up about this process. I often go to bed at night with a lot of it bottled up in my head and heavy on my heart. The Husband can only handle so much and in some ways it is a whole lot easier to talk to a keyboard and computer screen than a real person. For one, they don't judge and two, never say the wrong thing.

- There are hundreds of blogs out there about IVF and infertility and it has been so helpful to read about the experiences of others. Plus, just about every blog I find about IVF eventually makes the "I'M PREGNANT" post so perhaps there is a part of me that thinks there may be some good karma which comes from sharing your story and helping other desperate and confused infertile women. And if good karma is being passed around, I want to be sure I'm in line to receive a generous helping of it.

- And finally, the blog will be a great distraction for me. The waiting game that is involved in this process is more painful for me than any of the shots I've received or the procedures I've undergone. I want the next few months to fly by and blogging is a good time suck activity.

There is a very good chance that no one will ever read this blog besides the small handful of friends I will share this URL with...and I am okay with that. But I also welcome others who may find me via search and find comfort in the fact that they are not alone on this long, windy, scary road of infertility.