I decided to try out Wordpress and have moved the blog over.
Please follow us and our journey to a new URL: http://infertileinseattle.wordpress.com/
I'm looking forward to seeing you there...
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The Period
The slight cramping that gave me hope on Saturday morning was foreshadowing of the news I was to receive that afternoon. I got the pregnancy test news at 1 pm and by 7 pm, my period had arrived. It was as if my body was holding out for the official word that this cycle was over.
I must admit that this month's friendly visitor comes with new meaning. It is a daily reminder of the embryo that no longer is and the baby that never was.
I bet there are hundreds, if not thousands, of young girls and women out there that breathed a sigh of great relief when their period arrived this month. It is amazing to think I was once on that side of the fence. It is hard to believe that there was a time in my life (noted 11+ years ago) when a positive pregnancy test was unwanted.
It is now the one thing in my life that mysteriously eludes me. It is the one thing in my life, I want the most.
I must admit that this month's friendly visitor comes with new meaning. It is a daily reminder of the embryo that no longer is and the baby that never was.
I bet there are hundreds, if not thousands, of young girls and women out there that breathed a sigh of great relief when their period arrived this month. It is amazing to think I was once on that side of the fence. It is hard to believe that there was a time in my life (noted 11+ years ago) when a positive pregnancy test was unwanted.
It is now the one thing in my life that mysteriously eludes me. It is the one thing in my life, I want the most.
Monday, March 22, 2010
A look back
As we decided what we want to do next, I wanted to take some time and remember and reflect on the road we've traveled thus far.
Here is a documentation of our journey over the past 2 years. Although I've been keeping detailed notes on each of our cycles, seeing the list of what we've gone through all in one place is a crazy reminder of the emotional and physical challenges we've faced. 8 medicated cycles. 4 rounds of IUI. 1 round of IVF. I wonder where our story will go from here...
May 19, 2008 -- Birth Control Ends. Let Baby Making Begin!
October 20, 2008 -- 161 days without a period. In to the Dr. I go for some Provera.
October 31, 2008 -- Provera brings on a Period. BBT Tracking Begins.
February 17, 2009 -- Sporadic Periods. Back to the Dr. I go.
February 28, 2009 -- 1st cycle on meds: Clomid.
March 29, 2009 -- 2nd cycle on meds: Clomid.
April 4, 2009 -- 1st visit to Reproductive Endocrinologist: Dr. Lynn Davis (SRM)
April 6, 2009 -- Hysterosonogram (to look at my uterus & fallopian tubes).
April 10, 2009 -- Follow-up Ultrasound to look at uterus
April 11, 2009 -- MRI to examine uterus. Septate uterus suspected.
May 10, 2009 -- Surgery on uterus.
June 1, 2009 -- 3rd cycle on meds: Clomid.
June 29, 2009 -- 4th cycle on meds: Clomid.
July 27, 2009 -- 5th cycle on meds: Letrozole and 1st round IUI.
August 23, 2009 -- 6th cycle on meds: Letrozole + Follistim and 2nd round IUI.
September 18, 2009 -- 7th cycle on meds: Letrozole + Follistim + Estrogen and 3rd round IUI.
October 8, 2009 -- Acupuncture Begins
October 14, 2009 -- 8th cycle on meds: Letrozole + Follistim + Estrogen and 4th round IUI.
December 8, 2009 -- Meet with new Reproductive Endocrinologist: Dr. Letterie (NCRS)
December 12, 2009 -- Monitor Natural Cycle
January 27, 2010 -- Begin IVF Suppression
February 25, 2010 -- Begin IVF Cycle
March 6, 2010 -- Egg Retrieval, 15 eggs
March 11, 2010 -- Day 5 Embryo Transfer, 1 Grade 3-4
March 20, 2010 -- Negative HCG Beta. IVF Cycle Failure.
Here is a documentation of our journey over the past 2 years. Although I've been keeping detailed notes on each of our cycles, seeing the list of what we've gone through all in one place is a crazy reminder of the emotional and physical challenges we've faced. 8 medicated cycles. 4 rounds of IUI. 1 round of IVF. I wonder where our story will go from here...
May 19, 2008 -- Birth Control Ends. Let Baby Making Begin!
October 20, 2008 -- 161 days without a period. In to the Dr. I go for some Provera.
October 31, 2008 -- Provera brings on a Period. BBT Tracking Begins.
February 17, 2009 -- Sporadic Periods. Back to the Dr. I go.
February 28, 2009 -- 1st cycle on meds: Clomid.
March 29, 2009 -- 2nd cycle on meds: Clomid.
April 4, 2009 -- 1st visit to Reproductive Endocrinologist: Dr. Lynn Davis (SRM)
April 6, 2009 -- Hysterosonogram (to look at my uterus & fallopian tubes).
April 10, 2009 -- Follow-up Ultrasound to look at uterus
April 11, 2009 -- MRI to examine uterus. Septate uterus suspected.
May 10, 2009 -- Surgery on uterus.
June 1, 2009 -- 3rd cycle on meds: Clomid.
June 29, 2009 -- 4th cycle on meds: Clomid.
July 27, 2009 -- 5th cycle on meds: Letrozole and 1st round IUI.
August 23, 2009 -- 6th cycle on meds: Letrozole + Follistim and 2nd round IUI.
September 18, 2009 -- 7th cycle on meds: Letrozole + Follistim + Estrogen and 3rd round IUI.
October 8, 2009 -- Acupuncture Begins
October 14, 2009 -- 8th cycle on meds: Letrozole + Follistim + Estrogen and 4th round IUI.
December 8, 2009 -- Meet with new Reproductive Endocrinologist: Dr. Letterie (NCRS)
December 12, 2009 -- Monitor Natural Cycle
January 27, 2010 -- Begin IVF Suppression
February 25, 2010 -- Begin IVF Cycle
March 6, 2010 -- Egg Retrieval, 15 eggs
March 11, 2010 -- Day 5 Embryo Transfer, 1 Grade 3-4
March 20, 2010 -- Negative HCG Beta. IVF Cycle Failure.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Next Day
I went to bed early last night with puffy eyes and an awful headache as the 5 hours straight of crying took a toll on my body. I am sad about our failure, but much of the sadness I feel is about our future. I read about people who undergo 3, 4, and even 7 attempts at IVF. Some with sucess, others without it. How far will we go to have a baby?
The Dr. posted some extra notes along with the beta test results late yesterday afternoon on the online patient portal about the state of my lining when it was last checked. On the day of egg retrieval, when it should have been at its highest (9-11 mm), mine was noted as "measurements range from 3.74 to 5.65 mm." The patient portal is typically updated real time with results and details, so I think the delay of information was very intentional as was brief answer of "looks good" the Dr. provided when we inquired post-surgery. Now, my first instinct is to be upset that she misled me with that response. But at the same time I respect what she was doing. She knew we were committed to doing the transfer, so there was no point in giving us bad news going into it. Positive thinking and hope is what we needed, and in that moment that is what she gave us.
That additional information does serve to provide us with a possible explanation of what went wrong. We'll know more when we sit down with our Dr. to do our cycle review which I hope to get scheduled this week. The scary thing for me is that it makes no sense why my lining would have gotten thinner (it measured 7mm earlier that week) and be so thin with an estrodiol level in the 4000s. Lots of estrogen was definitely present in my body, it is almost as if my body just doesn't know how to process it correctly. In all of my research, it seems like this complication maybe one that is difficult, and sometimes, impossible to fix. And, that reality is what has me deathly afraid.
In speaking with my sister again last night about this added information, while she admits that as an OBGYN this level of reproductive endocrinology is out of her league, she also recognizes that this problem with my lining, despite high estrogen levels is a difficult one. Even with the best embryos, without a welcoming uterus, a baby cannot survive. The conversation eventually drifted to our other options including surrogacy and adoption. Both are options I know are there. Both are options I really can't face right now.
I wish I had a crystal ball and someone could tell me either way, if I will one day be able to carry a baby. I even jokingly told the Husband last night I wanted to see a psychic (he thought I said psychiatrist, should I be offended?!) to get some answers. I would go through 10 IVF cycles and 4000 shots if I knew one day I would be successful. As fearful as I was about all of the shots or the surgery, it is the fear of the unknown that is the worst fear of all.
The Dr. posted some extra notes along with the beta test results late yesterday afternoon on the online patient portal about the state of my lining when it was last checked. On the day of egg retrieval, when it should have been at its highest (9-11 mm), mine was noted as "measurements range from 3.74 to 5.65 mm." The patient portal is typically updated real time with results and details, so I think the delay of information was very intentional as was brief answer of "looks good" the Dr. provided when we inquired post-surgery. Now, my first instinct is to be upset that she misled me with that response. But at the same time I respect what she was doing. She knew we were committed to doing the transfer, so there was no point in giving us bad news going into it. Positive thinking and hope is what we needed, and in that moment that is what she gave us.
That additional information does serve to provide us with a possible explanation of what went wrong. We'll know more when we sit down with our Dr. to do our cycle review which I hope to get scheduled this week. The scary thing for me is that it makes no sense why my lining would have gotten thinner (it measured 7mm earlier that week) and be so thin with an estrodiol level in the 4000s. Lots of estrogen was definitely present in my body, it is almost as if my body just doesn't know how to process it correctly. In all of my research, it seems like this complication maybe one that is difficult, and sometimes, impossible to fix. And, that reality is what has me deathly afraid.
In speaking with my sister again last night about this added information, while she admits that as an OBGYN this level of reproductive endocrinology is out of her league, she also recognizes that this problem with my lining, despite high estrogen levels is a difficult one. Even with the best embryos, without a welcoming uterus, a baby cannot survive. The conversation eventually drifted to our other options including surrogacy and adoption. Both are options I know are there. Both are options I really can't face right now.
I wish I had a crystal ball and someone could tell me either way, if I will one day be able to carry a baby. I even jokingly told the Husband last night I wanted to see a psychic (he thought I said psychiatrist, should I be offended?!) to get some answers. I would go through 10 IVF cycles and 4000 shots if I knew one day I would be successful. As fearful as I was about all of the shots or the surgery, it is the fear of the unknown that is the worst fear of all.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Day 52: Negative
At 1:00 pm on the nose, we got the call we'd been waiting for. It came earlier than we expected (we were told between 2-5 pm) so we were out on a walk enjoying Lake Washington and the sun. I stopped dead in my tracks on the trail when the phone rang and the familiar 425 number appeared on screen.
"This is blah blah from Northwest Reproductive. I wish I had better news...."
It was in that moment that my throat constricted, my eyes welled with tears and I said: "It's negative, isn't it?"
"Yes, yes. I am sorry to tell you, you are not pregnant."
I don't remember much more of the conversation. I do remember the tears and sobs that came as I hung up the phone. The Husband was standing next to me and could tell the news immediately. He gracefully put his arm around me and led me to a nearby bench where we sat and cried. I am not sure how long we were there, my guess is about 35-40 minutes. Not too many words were exchanged during that period. Just the occasional "I can't believe it" or "where did it go wrong?"
The first and only phone calls I made were to my mom and my sister. I could barely choke the words out, "It didn't work." They were so sad for us, as were all of our friends. It seems that everyone wanted this for us just as much as we did. Today, we were all collectively disappointed by the news.
It's funny. I think deep down I new it was negative. As much as I tried to remain positive over the past 10 days, something in my gut told me this wasn't it. I tried and tried to bury that feeling with lots and lots of positive thoughts. I'd remind myself that the odds were on our side. 65% chance of it working. I'd talk to the Bean (that is what we nicknamed our embryo) everyday and rub my belly, but somehow I knew the Bean wasn't there talking back. The fact that I was scared and not excited to test, was further proof of my doubt.
But regardless of this intuition, I still held out hope and the news still managed to hit me like a ton of bricks. I am devastated. I never thought it was possible to feel this much pain and disappointment. My mind continues to race with thoughts of what happened, what went wrong, what will happen next. My heart continues to grieve for what could have been. My eyes can't seem to stop with the tears.
But despite the pain and sorrow we feel today, I know that life will go on. I know that tomorrow will be a new day. I know that we will try again.
I know that some day I will be a mother.
"This is blah blah from Northwest Reproductive. I wish I had better news...."
It was in that moment that my throat constricted, my eyes welled with tears and I said: "It's negative, isn't it?"
"Yes, yes. I am sorry to tell you, you are not pregnant."
I don't remember much more of the conversation. I do remember the tears and sobs that came as I hung up the phone. The Husband was standing next to me and could tell the news immediately. He gracefully put his arm around me and led me to a nearby bench where we sat and cried. I am not sure how long we were there, my guess is about 35-40 minutes. Not too many words were exchanged during that period. Just the occasional "I can't believe it" or "where did it go wrong?"
The first and only phone calls I made were to my mom and my sister. I could barely choke the words out, "It didn't work." They were so sad for us, as were all of our friends. It seems that everyone wanted this for us just as much as we did. Today, we were all collectively disappointed by the news.
It's funny. I think deep down I new it was negative. As much as I tried to remain positive over the past 10 days, something in my gut told me this wasn't it. I tried and tried to bury that feeling with lots and lots of positive thoughts. I'd remind myself that the odds were on our side. 65% chance of it working. I'd talk to the Bean (that is what we nicknamed our embryo) everyday and rub my belly, but somehow I knew the Bean wasn't there talking back. The fact that I was scared and not excited to test, was further proof of my doubt.
But regardless of this intuition, I still held out hope and the news still managed to hit me like a ton of bricks. I am devastated. I never thought it was possible to feel this much pain and disappointment. My mind continues to race with thoughts of what happened, what went wrong, what will happen next. My heart continues to grieve for what could have been. My eyes can't seem to stop with the tears.
But despite the pain and sorrow we feel today, I know that life will go on. I know that tomorrow will be a new day. I know that we will try again.
I know that some day I will be a mother.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Day 50: A Moment of Weakness
I stood in the shower tonight and had a moment of weakness thinking, "All I need is a home pregnancy tests and the answer would be mine!"
I went back and forth on the pros and cons of an early test while I stood there. As much as I want to know, I am SO SCARED about the results that I am deathly afraid of testing. I made up my mind before I got out that I've waited this long and another 48 hours for the "official" results wouldn't hurt me.
I must admit even after making that decision, I got out of the shower, dried off and checked under the bathroom cupboard to see if I had any extra pregnancy tests left from previous cycles. Thankfully I don't.
48 hours more. I can hardly wait!
I went back and forth on the pros and cons of an early test while I stood there. As much as I want to know, I am SO SCARED about the results that I am deathly afraid of testing. I made up my mind before I got out that I've waited this long and another 48 hours for the "official" results wouldn't hurt me.
I must admit even after making that decision, I got out of the shower, dried off and checked under the bathroom cupboard to see if I had any extra pregnancy tests left from previous cycles. Thankfully I don't.
48 hours more. I can hardly wait!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Day 48: Waiting, Waiting, Waiting
I am naturally a very impatient person and this week-long wait is killing me!! My emotions fluctuate from feeling very hopeful and optimistic to feeling domed and disappointed. Tears come easy and my mind is constantly wandering to my belly and what may or may not be growing inside of me. The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster and Saturday cannot come soon enough.
I am excited to hear the results. I am also so very scared. I know that whatever news we hear our lives will be forever changed. This IVF process has changed me and I know the result will forever impact me as well.
I so want it to be real. For all of our hard work and sacrifice to pay off. For the good news to be ours to share. For it to finally be my turn.
I am excited to hear the results. I am also so very scared. I know that whatever news we hear our lives will be forever changed. This IVF process has changed me and I know the result will forever impact me as well.
I so want it to be real. For all of our hard work and sacrifice to pay off. For the good news to be ours to share. For it to finally be my turn.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Day 46: 2 Left
We found out yesterday that they were able to freeze 2 of our embryos. From the 15 eggs retrieved 1 week ago, in the end we netted out with 3 healthy embryos. One in my belly and now two safely in storage. While I hope, pray, beg, plea that we won't need those extra ones, it does make me feel a bit better that they're in safe keeping.
It is hard to believe that this time next week we'll know the outcome of this journey...T-6 days.
It is hard to believe that this time next week we'll know the outcome of this journey...T-6 days.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Day 44: Relax
With the transfer behind us, we can finally take a deep breath and try to relax. Today was the first day in quite some time that my skin had not been penetrated by a needle. All total, I calculate 40 shots over the past 17 days. I have the bruising, sore muscles and swelling as a reminder of what we've been through, but the end of the daily shots is the first step in returning to our 'normal' lives.
I stayed home from work today and focused as much energy as possible on making our embryo feel nice and welcomed in my belly. I was treated with a mid-day visit by a dear friend with lunch and support and I hope that our little embryo is feeling as loved and special as I did by her visit.
Although it often feels that the burden of this process has rested primarily on my shoulders and on my body, we couldn't have done it without the love and support a select group of dear friends and family members. Thank you everyone for the hugs, pep talks, special treats and love. We really couldn't have gotten through these past 44 days (or two years!) without all of you.
Our "sharps receptacle." Overflowing. Thank god we're done!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Big Day #2 - Transfer
Hello from the couch just a few hours post transfer. I got myself one of those lap desks so that I could efficiently lay down and work from home on my laptop. I am liking this set-up. Today was our transfer day and I am excited to tell you all about it!
I had a rough night last night as I witnessed my already fluid-filled belly expand and get larger and larger. At one point I saw the Husband's eyes bulge when I lifted my shirt and I knew that things were getting worse, not better. I was so scared that I was coming down with hyperstimulation and our transfer today would be cancelled. After a 5 am chat with my sister who is an OBGYN and a morning acupuncture appointment I was feeling more relaxed as they both put my mind at ease that what I was feeling was most likely a mild case since I was still free of any of the serious OHSS symptoms (difficulty breathing, nausea, vomiting, rapid weight gain, etc).
We walked in to our transfer appointment at 1 pm with a fully belly (from lunch), 2 very swollen and full ovaries and a VERY full bladder due to their request for 20 oz of liquid 1 hour before the appt. After both changing into hospital gear (gown for me, scrubs for him) we were set up in a recovery room. After what seemed like forever (remember the full belly!), the Dr. came in with our final embryology report. From the 8 we had on Tuesday, 5 embryos still remained. They had selected the absolute best embryo for our transfer which was considered a Grade 3-4. Being the perfectionist I am, I was bummed that we didn't have a 5 so I asked her why. The Dr. was quick to point out that she rarely sees a 5 and ours was a very good looking embryo. Here is a photo of our embryo. There are three distinct parts to a blastocyst - the two cell types and the fluid cavity. I've done my best here to mark up the two cell types that make our embryo so pretty.
As development of blastocysts progresses, the cells in each of the 2 components divide and the fluid cavity enlarges. With continued blastocyst development the embryo expands, the shell thins, and it hatches out of its shell. Blastocyst implantation into the lining of the uterus can then begin and at that point we're pregnant!!
So next up for me is a fair amount of rest, just giving my body the opportunity to focus as much energy as possible on making our little embryo feel nice and welcomed. We'll get a call tomorrow with the final report of our 4 remaining embryos to see how many we'll have left to freeze based on how they progress over the next 24 hours.
Thanks for everyone's love, support and well wishes. Fingers crossed!
I had a rough night last night as I witnessed my already fluid-filled belly expand and get larger and larger. At one point I saw the Husband's eyes bulge when I lifted my shirt and I knew that things were getting worse, not better. I was so scared that I was coming down with hyperstimulation and our transfer today would be cancelled. After a 5 am chat with my sister who is an OBGYN and a morning acupuncture appointment I was feeling more relaxed as they both put my mind at ease that what I was feeling was most likely a mild case since I was still free of any of the serious OHSS symptoms (difficulty breathing, nausea, vomiting, rapid weight gain, etc).
We walked in to our transfer appointment at 1 pm with a fully belly (from lunch), 2 very swollen and full ovaries and a VERY full bladder due to their request for 20 oz of liquid 1 hour before the appt. After both changing into hospital gear (gown for me, scrubs for him) we were set up in a recovery room. After what seemed like forever (remember the full belly!), the Dr. came in with our final embryology report. From the 8 we had on Tuesday, 5 embryos still remained. They had selected the absolute best embryo for our transfer which was considered a Grade 3-4. Being the perfectionist I am, I was bummed that we didn't have a 5 so I asked her why. The Dr. was quick to point out that she rarely sees a 5 and ours was a very good looking embryo. Here is a photo of our embryo. There are three distinct parts to a blastocyst - the two cell types and the fluid cavity. I've done my best here to mark up the two cell types that make our embryo so pretty.
As development of blastocysts progresses, the cells in each of the 2 components divide and the fluid cavity enlarges. With continued blastocyst development the embryo expands, the shell thins, and it hatches out of its shell. Blastocyst implantation into the lining of the uterus can then begin and at that point we're pregnant!!
So next up for me is a fair amount of rest, just giving my body the opportunity to focus as much energy as possible on making our little embryo feel nice and welcomed. We'll get a call tomorrow with the final report of our 4 remaining embryos to see how many we'll have left to freeze based on how they progress over the next 24 hours.
Thanks for everyone's love, support and well wishes. Fingers crossed!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Day 42: 8 still in it
We heard yesterday (Day 3) that our embryos were looking good and therefore we were pushed to a Day 5 transfer which will happen tomorrow. A Day 5 transfer is exactly what we wanted. We'll have even more information about the quality of the embryos 5 days after fertilization than we did at 3, allowing us to select the very best to put back.
Of the 10 eggs that fertilized, as of yesterday we were down to 8. 5 of them were considered a Grade 3 or higher (5 is the highest grade) and 2 were at a Grade 2. We'll know tomorrow when we go back in what their final grades are when we talk to the embryologist.
I am so nervous and scared. I can't wait!!!
Of the 10 eggs that fertilized, as of yesterday we were down to 8. 5 of them were considered a Grade 3 or higher (5 is the highest grade) and 2 were at a Grade 2. We'll know tomorrow when we go back in what their final grades are when we talk to the embryologist.
I am so nervous and scared. I can't wait!!!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Day 40: Worry Wart
Today was my first day back at work since the Egg Retrieval. Still in a fair amount of pain/discomfort, but I hear it is normal for this stage of the recovery. All day I couldn't help but think and worry about our 10 little embryos. I really hope they are doing well and progressing as they should. At one point I IM'd the Husband expressing my worries and he was quick to respond that they are in very good hands. Perhaps he is right, but I can't help but worry.
We'll know tomorrow morning how many embryos have survived the past few days and if we are set up for Day 3 (Tuesday) or a Day 5 (Thursday) transfer. Our goal would be a Day 5 (Blastocyst) transfer since we know by growing embryos to the blastocyst stage in the laboratory we can deliberately weed out the embryos that do not have the genetic potential for continued growth; therefore leaving us with better quality embryos for transfer.
But we realize it is out of our hands and we can only hope for the best. I'll post an update tomorrow.
We'll know tomorrow morning how many embryos have survived the past few days and if we are set up for Day 3 (Tuesday) or a Day 5 (Thursday) transfer. Our goal would be a Day 5 (Blastocyst) transfer since we know by growing embryos to the blastocyst stage in the laboratory we can deliberately weed out the embryos that do not have the genetic potential for continued growth; therefore leaving us with better quality embryos for transfer.
But we realize it is out of our hands and we can only hope for the best. I'll post an update tomorrow.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Day 39: Decuplets
I am so happy to report that My eggs and the Husband's sperm got along swimmingly and we got a call this afternoon with the report of 10 fertilized eggs. This means that male and female genetic material (DNA) are contained in the 2 pronuclei seen in the zygote. I was so excited to hear news and started hugging the Husband claiming "we have 10 babies (decuplets)!" Technically, they aren't babies yet, but I can't help but be excited about our DNA now coexisting in 10 zygotes. Now all we need is our fertilized eggs (zygotes) to continue to progress the the next phases of development (zygotes --> embryos --> fetus --> baby!)
Overall I am feeling much better than I was yesterday. I am still on quite a few drugs which will taper off over the next week or so and the side effects of each along with the fluid in my ovaries make me quite uncomfortable, but I realize I am in the home stretch and am determined to power through it. Here are the meds I am on currently:
- Progestrone in oil shots 2x per day intramuscular (in the butt)
- Doxycycline 2x per day (to prevent infection from the retrieval surgery)
- Medrol 1x per day (steroid hormone is taken to suppress any inflammatory reaction that might occur between the embryo(s) and the endometrial lining.
And, here is a photo showing you what our 10 fertilized eggs should look like. Can you see the 2 pronuclei?
Overall I am feeling much better than I was yesterday. I am still on quite a few drugs which will taper off over the next week or so and the side effects of each along with the fluid in my ovaries make me quite uncomfortable, but I realize I am in the home stretch and am determined to power through it. Here are the meds I am on currently:
- Progestrone in oil shots 2x per day intramuscular (in the butt)
- Doxycycline 2x per day (to prevent infection from the retrieval surgery)
- Medrol 1x per day (steroid hormone is taken to suppress any inflammatory reaction that might occur between the embryo(s) and the endometrial lining.
And, here is a photo showing you what our 10 fertilized eggs should look like. Can you see the 2 pronuclei?
Saturday, March 6, 2010
The Egg Retrieval
Just a quick update on today. Everything went well and they were able to retrieve 15 eggs! Each one of those eggs are now shacking up with 100,000 of Husband's sperm. I hope they get along.
We'll know by tomorrow afternoon how many were fertilized. I am excited to hear the news.
In the meantime, it is back to the couch for me.
Night.
We'll know by tomorrow afternoon how many were fertilized. I am excited to hear the news.
In the meantime, it is back to the couch for me.
Night.
Day 38: Big Day #1
Today is Big Day #1 - Egg Retrieval! We've been waiting for this day for quite sometime. 37 days to be exact. But in a lot of ways the entire 2 years we've been trying has led up to this day.
My blood work from yesterday morning showed a big jump in my estrodiol level. It is now at 4,500 (up from 2,500) the day before. Each mature follicle will produce ~150-300 units of Estradiol, so based on my current level we'd suspect anywhere from 15-30 eggs to be harvested today.
I am about 75% excited going into today's surgery and 25% scared. The scared % took over last night on my drive home from work. The weight of everything we've gone through and will go through all hit me at once and I began to sob...
My blood work from yesterday morning showed a big jump in my estrodiol level. It is now at 4,500 (up from 2,500) the day before. Each mature follicle will produce ~150-300 units of Estradiol, so based on my current level we'd suspect anywhere from 15-30 eggs to be harvested today.
I am about 75% excited going into today's surgery and 25% scared. The scared % took over last night on my drive home from work. The weight of everything we've gone through and will go through all hit me at once and I began to sob...
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Day 37: Fingers Crossed
I was back at the Dr. this morning for yet another round of blood work and an ultrasound. Follicles are looking good and estrodiol is now up to 2527. We got the call this afternoon to proceed with the trigger shot of HCG tonight and our egg retrieval surgery is scheduled for Saturday at 9:30. It will be 100% confirmed after a final round of blood work tomorrow morning.
The only bit of bad news from today's appointment was that my uterine lining was measuring just under 7, which is the same size it was yesterday. It should be growing ~1-2mm per day and with my estrodiol level so high the Dr. is slightly concerned at how my lining is progressing (he would have expected it to be at leat 8-9mm). The uterine lining is important in this whole IVF equation as embryos need to implant in the endometrium and an optimal lining is thick and rich with blood vessels providing nutrients to the embryo. I've had a problem with my lining in every cycle we've done for the past year so this isn't a complete surprise, I guess I was just hopeful it wouldn't be a problem given the drugs I'm on this round.
The biggest risk at this point is that the Dr. will advise us that the conditions aren't ideal for a transfer and we'll be given the option to freeze all of our embryos until my body's had time to create a better lining. Obviously this isn't ideal and I am quite bummed even thinking about this possibility. So I am determine to do what I can to improve things between today and Saturday.
I know that one of the things acupuncture can really help with is blood flow the the uterus which can improve the lining so I made an 'emergency' appt with my acupuncturist this afternoon. She tried a therapy with me called "Electroacupuncture" which is a form of acupuncture in
which pairs of acupuncture needles are attached to a device that generates continuous electric pulses between them. So my quest for a baby reached a whole new level today as I laid on the table face down, with needles in my lower back and legs connected to wires and some type of electric machine that generated continuous electric pulses. It hurt a bit and was the strangest feeling. I laid there thinking: OMG this is crazy!!!
I'll go back tomorrow for another set of blood work with a follow-up appointment with the acupuncturist for another round of electroacupuncture. So tomorrow between 8-10 I'll be poked, prodded and electrocuted...all in our crazy pursuit of having a baby.
At the very least I'll be able to look back on this cycle and despite all of the bruising, bloating, crying, and pain, I'll know in my heart that I've gave it all I got.
The only bit of bad news from today's appointment was that my uterine lining was measuring just under 7, which is the same size it was yesterday. It should be growing ~1-2mm per day and with my estrodiol level so high the Dr. is slightly concerned at how my lining is progressing (he would have expected it to be at leat 8-9mm). The uterine lining is important in this whole IVF equation as embryos need to implant in the endometrium and an optimal lining is thick and rich with blood vessels providing nutrients to the embryo. I've had a problem with my lining in every cycle we've done for the past year so this isn't a complete surprise, I guess I was just hopeful it wouldn't be a problem given the drugs I'm on this round.
The biggest risk at this point is that the Dr. will advise us that the conditions aren't ideal for a transfer and we'll be given the option to freeze all of our embryos until my body's had time to create a better lining. Obviously this isn't ideal and I am quite bummed even thinking about this possibility. So I am determine to do what I can to improve things between today and Saturday.
I know that one of the things acupuncture can really help with is blood flow the the uterus which can improve the lining so I made an 'emergency' appt with my acupuncturist this afternoon. She tried a therapy with me called "Electroacupuncture" which is a form of acupuncture in
which pairs of acupuncture needles are attached to a device that generates continuous electric pulses between them. So my quest for a baby reached a whole new level today as I laid on the table face down, with needles in my lower back and legs connected to wires and some type of electric machine that generated continuous electric pulses. It hurt a bit and was the strangest feeling. I laid there thinking: OMG this is crazy!!!
I'll go back tomorrow for another set of blood work with a follow-up appointment with the acupuncturist for another round of electroacupuncture. So tomorrow between 8-10 I'll be poked, prodded and electrocuted...all in our crazy pursuit of having a baby.
At the very least I'll be able to look back on this cycle and despite all of the bruising, bloating, crying, and pain, I'll know in my heart that I've gave it all I got.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Day 36: Getting Closer!
We were back at the Drs this morning for another ultrasound and blood draw. My right vein is getting some serious action these past few days and no matter how many times I get pricked, it is still so odd to see blood flowing out of my veins into vials. Estrodiol level is now up to 1528 and I currently have about 16 "big" follicles measuring 14 - 17 mm in size and then 8-10 smaller ones. They want to give the follicles one more day so I'll go back in tomorrow for another check. The nurse said she is 90% positive they'll 'trigger' me tomorrow, which will mean the egg retrieval surgery will most likely be scheduled for sometime on Saturday. Just a few more days, I can't believe it.
I got the sweetest care package today from my older sister. She also struggled with infertility, but was successful in a gonadotropins cycle last year and has a baby due in just 4 weeks. My care package contained magazines to keep me entertained during my recovery and lots of healthy snacks. But the most special gift was a little stuffed sperm. It was a good luck sperm one of her friends gave her during her cycles and she wanted to pass the luck along to me. The good luck charm worked for her, I can only hope it works for me as well!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Day 35: Slow & Steady
We're 6 days into the stimulation process and we had an appt with the Dr. again this morning to check my progress since Sunday. Estrodiol levels are up (as to be expected) at 1074. They also tested my LH (1.63) and Progesterone (.59) levels.
The Dr. spent a fair amount of time measuring each of the follicles to get a sense of development using the ultrasound. So far I have about 15-20 follicles total in development with the bulk of them at developing at a similar rate, which is exactly what he wants. He surprisingly wants to see me back again tomorrow for additional blood work and testing so the methodical monitoring continues. In the meantime, my instructions for tonight and tomorrow morning were to drop my meds dose down to 50 units. The trick here is slow and steady growth of the eggs.
I also had an acupuncture appointment tonight and my Chinese medicine diagnosis is also a good one. She said my energy has been really great over the past few weeks and my tongue and pulse were fantastic today! I'll see her once more before the egg retrieval surgery, then once between egg retrieval and embryo transfer and finally 2x on the day of the embryo transfer.
So I am thrilled to have good reports thus far from both Western and Eastern medicine. Yippee!
The Dr. spent a fair amount of time measuring each of the follicles to get a sense of development using the ultrasound. So far I have about 15-20 follicles total in development with the bulk of them at developing at a similar rate, which is exactly what he wants. He surprisingly wants to see me back again tomorrow for additional blood work and testing so the methodical monitoring continues. In the meantime, my instructions for tonight and tomorrow morning were to drop my meds dose down to 50 units. The trick here is slow and steady growth of the eggs.
I also had an acupuncture appointment tonight and my Chinese medicine diagnosis is also a good one. She said my energy has been really great over the past few weeks and my tongue and pulse were fantastic today! I'll see her once more before the egg retrieval surgery, then once between egg retrieval and embryo transfer and finally 2x on the day of the embryo transfer.
So I am thrilled to have good reports thus far from both Western and Eastern medicine. Yippee!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Day 33: We're Still In It
We were pleasantly surprised to see our Dr. meet us at our 7:30 appt this morning. He walked in saying my Estrodiol numbers from yesterday were a bit high, so he wanted to check me out. Recognized he was being extra methodical, but really wants to be cautious with me. I like cautious.
From the few comments he provided, it sounds like my ultrasound showed him that things were so far so good. I had approximately 9 follicles developing on my left and 15 or so developing on the right. No wonder I feel so fat and bloated. My ovaries are working overtime.
Estrodiol report from this afternoon had my level now at 531, just about double what it was yesterday. Dr. has advised us to reduce our Follistim to 75 units tonight and tomorrow and then down further to 50 units on Tuesday. I'll be back in on Tuesday morning for another set of blood work and ultrasound.
So much of this IVF process is about Faith. Faith in our Dr. figure out the treatment and drug levels right for me. Faith in my body to respond as it should. Faith that one day the baby we've dreamed about for so long will be ours.
From the few comments he provided, it sounds like my ultrasound showed him that things were so far so good. I had approximately 9 follicles developing on my left and 15 or so developing on the right. No wonder I feel so fat and bloated. My ovaries are working overtime.
Estrodiol report from this afternoon had my level now at 531, just about double what it was yesterday. Dr. has advised us to reduce our Follistim to 75 units tonight and tomorrow and then down further to 50 units on Tuesday. I'll be back in on Tuesday morning for another set of blood work and ultrasound.
So much of this IVF process is about Faith. Faith in our Dr. figure out the treatment and drug levels right for me. Faith in my body to respond as it should. Faith that one day the baby we've dreamed about for so long will be ours.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Hormones are Here
The hormones are taking over. I've cried 2x in less than 24 hours and I am on the constant verge of tears.
First set of tears came last night because I was feeling FAT. My jeans are tight, some of my work pants don't even fit. The belly is bulging. I know all of the things you guys are thinking: "It is for a good cause. This is just the start, it is natural to gain weight. Its just the hormones. You are not fat." My head knows these things to be true and to be honest, I don't care. I feel FAT and it makes me sad to sit at the dinner table with my button undone. Being pregnant and getting fat is one thing. Being infertile, doped up on hormones and feeling fat is another.
The second set of tears came tonight when something I had planned just didn't work out. It wasn't a bit deal, I was just frustrated and a typical (hormonally balanced) response would include disappointment. It wouldn't include 15 minutes of crying hysterics.
First set of tears came last night because I was feeling FAT. My jeans are tight, some of my work pants don't even fit. The belly is bulging. I know all of the things you guys are thinking: "It is for a good cause. This is just the start, it is natural to gain weight. Its just the hormones. You are not fat." My head knows these things to be true and to be honest, I don't care. I feel FAT and it makes me sad to sit at the dinner table with my button undone. Being pregnant and getting fat is one thing. Being infertile, doped up on hormones and feeling fat is another.
The second set of tears came tonight when something I had planned just didn't work out. It wasn't a bit deal, I was just frustrated and a typical (hormonally balanced) response would include disappointment. It wouldn't include 15 minutes of crying hysterics.
Day 32: Getting Nervous
Today is Day 3 of the stimulation part of our IVF cycle. I went in this morning for some blood work to check on my response thus far to the meds we've been shooting up. The nurse just called and said my Estrodiol level was already up to 280 (it was less than 25 on Wed) and they want to reduce my dosage of meds and see me tomorrow (Sunday) morning at 7:30 am for blood work again and an ultrasound.
They are concerned about the rapid rise of my Estrodiol and therefore the risks of OHSS (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome). Normally a woman produces one egg per month, however in IVF you are taking drugs with the hopes of stimulating multiple eggs. If the drugs stimulate the ovaries too much, the ovaries can suddenly become very swollen and fluid can leak into the belly and chest area. Due to my body weight and my historical ovarian response, my risk for OHSS is quite high and the Dr has always been clear with us on the chance of cancellation depending on my response.
So we'll go in tomorrow and see what's happening. I am so scared that they'll think the risks are too high and decide to cancel my cycle. I'll be DEVASTATED. I am 32 days and 21 shots into this, I can't even comprehend the thought of having to cancel and start again. Fingers crossed my ovaries are working hard, but not too hard...
They are concerned about the rapid rise of my Estrodiol and therefore the risks of OHSS (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome). Normally a woman produces one egg per month, however in IVF you are taking drugs with the hopes of stimulating multiple eggs. If the drugs stimulate the ovaries too much, the ovaries can suddenly become very swollen and fluid can leak into the belly and chest area. Due to my body weight and my historical ovarian response, my risk for OHSS is quite high and the Dr has always been clear with us on the chance of cancellation depending on my response.
So we'll go in tomorrow and see what's happening. I am so scared that they'll think the risks are too high and decide to cancel my cycle. I'll be DEVASTATED. I am 32 days and 21 shots into this, I can't even comprehend the thought of having to cancel and start again. Fingers crossed my ovaries are working hard, but not too hard...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Day 29: Green Light
We got the news this afternoon that my ultrasound and blood work look good and we got the official GREEN LIGHT to proceed to stimulation. YAY! Now we're officially in to our IVF cycle!! Mature follicles. Fertilized eggs. Good quality embryos. Positive pregnancy test. And baby, here we come!
We'll spend the next 8-12 days stimulating my ovaries with the goal of creating a handful of good quality eggs. We'll need to rely on the expertise of our doctor to help us find the right balance between quality and quantity.
Tomorrow our routine will transition to a total of 3 shots per day for me plus the continuation of the low dose aspirin and the prenatal vitamins. They're starting me off on 150 units of Follistim 2x per day, plus a continuation of the Lupron at a reduced dose of 5 units.
The husband has been put on antibiotics for the next 10 days to ward against infection so he's joined me in the drug use.
I am so excited to be finally, finally at the starting line. Here we go!!
We'll spend the next 8-12 days stimulating my ovaries with the goal of creating a handful of good quality eggs. We'll need to rely on the expertise of our doctor to help us find the right balance between quality and quantity.
Tomorrow our routine will transition to a total of 3 shots per day for me plus the continuation of the low dose aspirin and the prenatal vitamins. They're starting me off on 150 units of Follistim 2x per day, plus a continuation of the Lupron at a reduced dose of 5 units.
The husband has been put on antibiotics for the next 10 days to ward against infection so he's joined me in the drug use.
I am so excited to be finally, finally at the starting line. Here we go!!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Day 28: Suppression
I can't believe 28 days have passed. The dreaded suppression phase of this process is 1 day from being over and now the real 'fun' can begin.
Tomorrow I'll go in at 8 am for a suppression test. This will include blood work and an ultrasound. I am not quite sure what they are looking for in these tests, but I hope and pray that everything looks good and we'll have the green light to proceed to stimulation.
Fingers crossed...
Tomorrow I'll go in at 8 am for a suppression test. This will include blood work and an ultrasound. I am not quite sure what they are looking for in these tests, but I hope and pray that everything looks good and we'll have the green light to proceed to stimulation.
Fingers crossed...
Monday, February 22, 2010
Day 27: Getting Better
We've figured out if the Husband jabs the needle into my belly quickly it doesn't hurt so much. Only drawback to this approach is that it typically draws a bit of a blood.
Previous to this jabbing technique he'd be a bit more deliberate (aka slow) with the entry and the withdrawal.
We're 10 shots into this process and learning a few tricks along the way...
Previous to this jabbing technique he'd be a bit more deliberate (aka slow) with the entry and the withdrawal.
We're 10 shots into this process and learning a few tricks along the way...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Day 26: Informed Conset
We had our "Informed Consent" meeting with the Dr. on Friday morning. The purpose of the meeting was to sit down with the Dr. and ensure that we're all on the same page and understand the risks prior to entering the stimulation phase of the IVF cycle. I think the meeting is really designed to talk some sense into patients who might want to be the next John & Kate + 8.
Given the fact that we're entering this process very sensibly, the meeting went smoothly and there were no surprises or concerns on either side. Our absolute top priority in this process is a healthy baby and we will be working with the Dr. to maximize our chances for this single goal. We don't know what the next few weeks will entail and how my body will respond to the treatment, but the best case scenario would involve a single, good quality embryo transferred on Day 5.
Birth control is behind us and we just have 3 more days of suppression...we're getting close!
Given the fact that we're entering this process very sensibly, the meeting went smoothly and there were no surprises or concerns on either side. Our absolute top priority in this process is a healthy baby and we will be working with the Dr. to maximize our chances for this single goal. We don't know what the next few weeks will entail and how my body will respond to the treatment, but the best case scenario would involve a single, good quality embryo transferred on Day 5.
Birth control is behind us and we just have 3 more days of suppression...we're getting close!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day 23: Bills, Bills, Bills
Over the past 3 days - Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday - I've opened my mailbox to find the following bills:
NW Reproductive: $177.37
NW Reproductive: $435.00
Dynacare Laboratories: $114.00
Dynacare Laboratories: $193.75
Nothing like coming home from a hard day at work only to find bills waiting for you. Hard to believe these costs are ABOVE and BEYOND the 5-figure lump sum we've already paid.
You go in and they tell you that they need to do a "Gram Stain-C" test or a "Anti-Mullerian Hormone" screen and they take blood or they do the procedure and 4 seconds later it is done. You never get an estimate beforehand since it really isn't a discussion whether or not you'll do the test. You only find out weeks later when you get the bill in the mail what it all costs.
The financial burden of this process is sometimes difficult for me to comprehend and accept. But it becomes more and more real as I get used to handing over the credit card to pay the piles of bills. I've always believed money doesn't buy happiness, but I can't but feel we're trying to buy our baby...
NW Reproductive: $177.37
NW Reproductive: $435.00
Dynacare Laboratories: $114.00
Dynacare Laboratories: $193.75
Nothing like coming home from a hard day at work only to find bills waiting for you. Hard to believe these costs are ABOVE and BEYOND the 5-figure lump sum we've already paid.
You go in and they tell you that they need to do a "Gram Stain-C" test or a "Anti-Mullerian Hormone" screen and they take blood or they do the procedure and 4 seconds later it is done. You never get an estimate beforehand since it really isn't a discussion whether or not you'll do the test. You only find out weeks later when you get the bill in the mail what it all costs.
The financial burden of this process is sometimes difficult for me to comprehend and accept. But it becomes more and more real as I get used to handing over the credit card to pay the piles of bills. I've always believed money doesn't buy happiness, but I can't but feel we're trying to buy our baby...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day 22: Luck
We're not Chinese, but in honor of Chinese New Year on the 14th, my mom gave us a very meaningful hand painted banner to place above our bedroom door. Chinese people believe they can attract Good Fortune and avert misfortune into by speaking "lucky" words and surrounding themselves with "lucky" objects. Lucky pictures and patterns are pasted on doors, windows and walls the of home to bring good luck and ward off misfortune.
The sentiment of the message she gave us was perfect and every time I head in to our bedroom, I can't help but glance up at the red banner and think of our wish. Although I'm not typically a superstitious person, this process has made me desperate for help from any and all powers that be. We need all the luck, prayers, wishes, and hope we can get.
The sentiment of the message she gave us was perfect and every time I head in to our bedroom, I can't help but glance up at the red banner and think of our wish. Although I'm not typically a superstitious person, this process has made me desperate for help from any and all powers that be. We need all the luck, prayers, wishes, and hope we can get.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Day 21: Side Effects
Day 4 of Lupron shots, Day 19 of birth control pills. I told the Husband this morning after he gave me my daily shot, "I'm sort of done with this already." Sad part is that I've only just begun...
The drug side effects are kicking in and I have a feeling this list will get longer as I work my way through my chest of drugs over the next 6 weeks.
Side Effect 1: Sweating
Thanks to the Lupron I've begun to experience horrible hot flashes and night sweats. I wake up several times a night soaked in sweat. I've always been a warm weather gal, but sweating in bed is pretty gross. The first night I thought someone cranked the heat up in the house, then I realized it wasn't the air that was hot, it was me.
Side Effect 2: Spotting
Thanks to the birth control, I've been experiencing spotting or 'break through bleeding' for the past 9 days. I finally spoke the nurse about it today and she didn't seem too concerned. I guess it is sometimes a side effect of a low dose birth control pill like the one I am on. I really hope that is all it is and not some type of infection caused by the SHG test a few weeks ago...
The drug side effects are kicking in and I have a feeling this list will get longer as I work my way through my chest of drugs over the next 6 weeks.
Side Effect 1: Sweating
Thanks to the Lupron I've begun to experience horrible hot flashes and night sweats. I wake up several times a night soaked in sweat. I've always been a warm weather gal, but sweating in bed is pretty gross. The first night I thought someone cranked the heat up in the house, then I realized it wasn't the air that was hot, it was me.
Side Effect 2: Spotting
Thanks to the birth control, I've been experiencing spotting or 'break through bleeding' for the past 9 days. I finally spoke the nurse about it today and she didn't seem too concerned. I guess it is sometimes a side effect of a low dose birth control pill like the one I am on. I really hope that is all it is and not some type of infection caused by the SHG test a few weeks ago...
Monday, February 15, 2010
Day 20: Lupron Time
It's been about a week since my last blog post. I'm still here, just been busy entertaining family. My parents and my 32-week pregnant sister were in town for a visit. The main purpose of the visit was to help get my sister ready for the baby so I knew going into the visit, it was going to be hard on me. And it was. I could see the excitement in both my parents and my sister, and I couldn't help but fight back tears and repeat to myself over and over again: my turn will come...
With 20 days gone by since we started our IVF cycle, I am so happy that the first phase is almost behind me. Just 4 more days of birth control!! Saturday marked another milestone for our cycle, the start of the Lupron injections. I now have 35 days straight of shots to look forward to...now the real fun begins.
Lupron is used in conjunction with the birth control pills to suppress my reproductive system, basically propelling my body into premature menopause. Fun times. DRs use it in IVF to suppress the pituitary gland and prevent premature ovulation. I am on 0.20 cc or 20 units per day given between 6-8 am along with the birth control and the baby aspirin. The shot is given in the belly about 2 inches away from the belly button. The husband has been playing DR and taking care of all of the details. I just need to stand there and look away and he takes care of the rest:
- Step 1: Wash hands thoroughly
- Step 2: Open up a clean needle/syringe
- Step 3: Open an alcohol wipe and clean the top of the Lupron bottle
- Step 4: Draw back syringe to appropriate dose level
- Step 5: Stick needle into Lupron bottle and push out air into bottle
- Step 6: Turn bottle/needle upside down
- Step 7: Draw back the liquid medicine to appropriate dose level
- Step 8: Remove needle, check for air bubbles
- Step 9: Prepare injection site by cleaning with alcohol wipe
- Step 10: Insert needle, push in medicine, watch wife cringe
The needle used for Lupron is slightly longer than the ones we've used for other medications in the past and for some reason it is a bit 'sticky' meaning it doesn't go in as smoothly as the others. That said, the pain only lasts for a few seconds and we both know that those few uncomfortable seconds (for both of us) is worth the lifetime of happiness we are working toward...
With 20 days gone by since we started our IVF cycle, I am so happy that the first phase is almost behind me. Just 4 more days of birth control!! Saturday marked another milestone for our cycle, the start of the Lupron injections. I now have 35 days straight of shots to look forward to...now the real fun begins.
Lupron is used in conjunction with the birth control pills to suppress my reproductive system, basically propelling my body into premature menopause. Fun times. DRs use it in IVF to suppress the pituitary gland and prevent premature ovulation. I am on 0.20 cc or 20 units per day given between 6-8 am along with the birth control and the baby aspirin. The shot is given in the belly about 2 inches away from the belly button. The husband has been playing DR and taking care of all of the details. I just need to stand there and look away and he takes care of the rest:
- Step 1: Wash hands thoroughly
- Step 2: Open up a clean needle/syringe
- Step 3: Open an alcohol wipe and clean the top of the Lupron bottle
- Step 4: Draw back syringe to appropriate dose level
- Step 5: Stick needle into Lupron bottle and push out air into bottle
- Step 6: Turn bottle/needle upside down
- Step 7: Draw back the liquid medicine to appropriate dose level
- Step 8: Remove needle, check for air bubbles
- Step 9: Prepare injection site by cleaning with alcohol wipe
- Step 10: Insert needle, push in medicine, watch wife cringe
The needle used for Lupron is slightly longer than the ones we've used for other medications in the past and for some reason it is a bit 'sticky' meaning it doesn't go in as smoothly as the others. That said, the pain only lasts for a few seconds and we both know that those few uncomfortable seconds (for both of us) is worth the lifetime of happiness we are working toward...
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Day 11: Normal
As mentioned in my Day 2 post, when we went in for our baseline testing I got a whole slew of blood work done. The great thing about our clinic is that they have an online patient portal where you can log on and see all of your test results as they are available. The good news is that the information is available to you, 24/7, pretty much real-time. The bad news is that you are looking at this information without an explanation by a Dr. and seeing a data value without any context is confusing and frustrating. We have an appt scheduled with the Dr. to review the results on the 16th, but that is still over a week away!
So what's a girl do? One word: GOOGLE!
I finally took the time to review the results for all 15 tests that were administered. Since I didn't know what any of the tests meant, I researched what each of the tests were evaluating and then looked for info on what normal data values should be. Good news is that based on all of my very scientific Internet research I am very NORMAL.
The one hormone that I see referred to often in the IVF books I've read and the in all of the literature published by the clinic is FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone). FSH levels directly correlate to the number of eggs that you have "on reserve" in your ovaries. The term "ovarian reserve" refers to a woman's current supply of eggs, and is closely associated with reproductive potential. In general, the greater the number of remaining eggs, the better the chance for conception. Conversely, low ovarian reserve greatly diminishes chances for conception. As a woman ages, FSH becomes elevated in an attempt to force the aging ovary to respond, so high levels are bad, low numbers are good.
In the data from the clinic we are working with they say their success rates with IVF are highest (65%) in patients with FSH under 12.0. The good news is that anything under 10.0 is normal and my results were 6.0 mIU/ml!!
So it looks like I have lots of eggs ready to go and anxious to meet up up with The Husband's sperm and make a baby for us.
I am feeling hopeful. With my uterus "looking good" and my ovarian reserve seeming plentiful, we have lots of things working in our favor and our chances of a positive outcome are looking good. Fingers crossed.
So what's a girl do? One word: GOOGLE!
I finally took the time to review the results for all 15 tests that were administered. Since I didn't know what any of the tests meant, I researched what each of the tests were evaluating and then looked for info on what normal data values should be. Good news is that based on all of my very scientific Internet research I am very NORMAL.
The one hormone that I see referred to often in the IVF books I've read and the in all of the literature published by the clinic is FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone). FSH levels directly correlate to the number of eggs that you have "on reserve" in your ovaries. The term "ovarian reserve" refers to a woman's current supply of eggs, and is closely associated with reproductive potential. In general, the greater the number of remaining eggs, the better the chance for conception. Conversely, low ovarian reserve greatly diminishes chances for conception. As a woman ages, FSH becomes elevated in an attempt to force the aging ovary to respond, so high levels are bad, low numbers are good.
In the data from the clinic we are working with they say their success rates with IVF are highest (65%) in patients with FSH under 12.0. The good news is that anything under 10.0 is normal and my results were 6.0 mIU/ml!!
So it looks like I have lots of eggs ready to go and anxious to meet up up with The Husband's sperm and make a baby for us.
I am feeling hopeful. With my uterus "looking good" and my ovarian reserve seeming plentiful, we have lots of things working in our favor and our chances of a positive outcome are looking good. Fingers crossed.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Day 9: "Looks Good"
Two words to describe today's procedures: uneventful & uncomfortable.
I was instructed to have a full bladder before arriving at the clinic. When I checked in they asked me if my bladder was full. Despite the 2 glasses of water I drank before I arrived, I made the mistake of wavering in my answer so they handed me a bottle of water and instructed me to drink more. In the 20 minutes we were waiting I drank the entire bottle of water and quickly went from having a feeling of fullness to feeling pretty uncomfortable. Now with what I'd describe as overly full bladder it was time for the procedure. I undress, waist down, hop up on the table and they begin the trial transfer procedure. The reason they ask for a full bladder is that it straightens out the cervix which makes the entry into the uterus easier. To do the trial transfer they use an ultrasound monitor on your tummy (to see the uterus) and then insert a long plastic catheter watching it enter the uterus on the ultrasound. The pressure on the full bladder from both the top and inside was pretty painful. The good news is that the long catheter slipped right through and the Dr. exclaimed "that was easy" and was done.
Next up was the SHG, which is a test they do using saline and ultrasound guidance (vaginal this time) to take 3D images of the uterus. Lots pushing on the bladder and of cramping during this one, but thankfully the Dr. was kind enough to stop mid-way through and let me empty my bladder. Maybe my clenched fist and distorted face was indication enough that I was miserable. He finished up the procedure and didn't see anything unsual. Everything looked good.
Now I've been having mix feelings about our Dr. since we've first started working with him a few months ago. I have no doubt that he is a very smart, very experienced Dr. In fact, he just got elected as a 2009-2010 Best Doctor in America for his contributions in the field of reproductive medicine. So no doubt, he is one of the best. And one of the best is exactly what we want.
Problem is that he is a bit too reserved for me. During these tests (and others we've done before) he sits quietly (I'd like to think he is REALLY concentrating) and completes the procedure, looking at the monitor, taking measurements, taking screenshots. Then at the end of it all he might say something like, "looks good." Really?!? That is all the info I get? I wish he'd throw me a bone like "wow, this uterus looks amazing" or "these ovaries are wonderful." But no, I get 10-15 minutes of relative silence and then I get "Looks good." I clamor for more information and follow-up with questions, but his answers are just as brief. I always leave the clinic wanting more, information that is.
Anyway, bottom line is that the trial transfer went smoothly and my uterus "looks good" which is great news. I am feeling crampy, bloated and uncomfortable which isn't good, but I know this feeling will pass and left behind will be the reassurance that everything "looks good" as we head deeper into our IVF process.
I was instructed to have a full bladder before arriving at the clinic. When I checked in they asked me if my bladder was full. Despite the 2 glasses of water I drank before I arrived, I made the mistake of wavering in my answer so they handed me a bottle of water and instructed me to drink more. In the 20 minutes we were waiting I drank the entire bottle of water and quickly went from having a feeling of fullness to feeling pretty uncomfortable. Now with what I'd describe as overly full bladder it was time for the procedure. I undress, waist down, hop up on the table and they begin the trial transfer procedure. The reason they ask for a full bladder is that it straightens out the cervix which makes the entry into the uterus easier. To do the trial transfer they use an ultrasound monitor on your tummy (to see the uterus) and then insert a long plastic catheter watching it enter the uterus on the ultrasound. The pressure on the full bladder from both the top and inside was pretty painful. The good news is that the long catheter slipped right through and the Dr. exclaimed "that was easy" and was done.
Next up was the SHG, which is a test they do using saline and ultrasound guidance (vaginal this time) to take 3D images of the uterus. Lots pushing on the bladder and of cramping during this one, but thankfully the Dr. was kind enough to stop mid-way through and let me empty my bladder. Maybe my clenched fist and distorted face was indication enough that I was miserable. He finished up the procedure and didn't see anything unsual. Everything looked good.
Now I've been having mix feelings about our Dr. since we've first started working with him a few months ago. I have no doubt that he is a very smart, very experienced Dr. In fact, he just got elected as a 2009-2010 Best Doctor in America for his contributions in the field of reproductive medicine. So no doubt, he is one of the best. And one of the best is exactly what we want.
Problem is that he is a bit too reserved for me. During these tests (and others we've done before) he sits quietly (I'd like to think he is REALLY concentrating) and completes the procedure, looking at the monitor, taking measurements, taking screenshots. Then at the end of it all he might say something like, "looks good." Really?!? That is all the info I get? I wish he'd throw me a bone like "wow, this uterus looks amazing" or "these ovaries are wonderful." But no, I get 10-15 minutes of relative silence and then I get "Looks good." I clamor for more information and follow-up with questions, but his answers are just as brief. I always leave the clinic wanting more, information that is.
Anyway, bottom line is that the trial transfer went smoothly and my uterus "looks good" which is great news. I am feeling crampy, bloated and uncomfortable which isn't good, but I know this feeling will pass and left behind will be the reassurance that everything "looks good" as we head deeper into our IVF process.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Day 8: Busines as Usual
Today flew by. I was so slammed at work I had very little time to dwell on my infertility struggles. Big day tomorrow, I'll go in to the clinic for two procedures:
1) SHG - A saline ultrasound for the diagnosis of uterine abnormalities. Since the first clinic we were with for 6 months thought I had a funky uterus (which they fixed with surgery) I am curious to get a 2nd opinion from this Dr. before we get to far in this process.
2) Trial Transfer - An practice transfer under ultrasound guidance with the same catheters and techniques that will be used for the actual embryo transfer in a few weeks. During the trial transfer they will take measurements and make notes that they can refer to during our embryo transfer. Since I am a firm believer that practice makes perfect, I am all for this trial procedure.
I also have an acupuncture appointment in the evening so it will be a busy day tomorrow. I'll write up a report with the results (hopefully all good) tomorrow night.
1) SHG - A saline ultrasound for the diagnosis of uterine abnormalities. Since the first clinic we were with for 6 months thought I had a funky uterus (which they fixed with surgery) I am curious to get a 2nd opinion from this Dr. before we get to far in this process.
2) Trial Transfer - An practice transfer under ultrasound guidance with the same catheters and techniques that will be used for the actual embryo transfer in a few weeks. During the trial transfer they will take measurements and make notes that they can refer to during our embryo transfer. Since I am a firm believer that practice makes perfect, I am all for this trial procedure.
I also have an acupuncture appointment in the evening so it will be a busy day tomorrow. I'll write up a report with the results (hopefully all good) tomorrow night.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Drugs. Drugs. Drugs
I got my shipment of drugs today. They arrived via FedEx overnight and the goods were packed in cold packets as some of them require refrigeration. As I opened the box and examined the contents, for the first time since starting this process I was scared. The thought of all of those drugs (most via injections) entering my body over the next 6 weeks overwhelmed me and tears came to my eyes.
Day 7: Impatience
It hit me as a stood at the bathroom sink this morning taking my 6th birth control pill that I still have a long few weeks to go in the suppression part of our IVF cycle.
The positive, glass half-full part of me says, "yeah! 1 week down, only 3 weeks to go!"
The negative, discouraged part of me is nagging: "geez, you won't be starting the stimulation part of your cycle until March. That is like a month away. 3 more weeks seems like F-O-R-E-V-E-R."
Today the negativity is winning out. 3 weeks seems like an eternity to me right now. 3 long weeks. 23 more days. I am feeling impatient and annoyed that we just can't jump in bed, have sex and make a baby like everyone else.
I am feeling sorry for myself. I know it. (and today, I don't really care).
The positive, glass half-full part of me says, "yeah! 1 week down, only 3 weeks to go!"
The negative, discouraged part of me is nagging: "geez, you won't be starting the stimulation part of your cycle until March. That is like a month away. 3 more weeks seems like F-O-R-E-V-E-R."
Today the negativity is winning out. 3 weeks seems like an eternity to me right now. 3 long weeks. 23 more days. I am feeling impatient and annoyed that we just can't jump in bed, have sex and make a baby like everyone else.
I am feeling sorry for myself. I know it. (and today, I don't really care).
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Day 5: Undecided
We got our packet of information from the clinic this weekend. It is a folder which contains a slew of instructions, consent forms and details about our upcoming IVF cycle. We are suppose to read it and be prepared to sign the various release forms in front of a witness (the Dr.) during our Informed Consent meeting on the 17th.
The packet contains a consent form that is 6 pages in length titled "Authorization For Embryo Cryopreservation." Basically, it is all what we want to do with any extra embryos that are created during our IVF cycle. In all of our meetings with the Dr. thus far, he has been very optimistic about the ability for me to stimulate well and therefore generate lots of eggs for fertilization. At one point he quoted 10-15 eggs as what he might expect. Now, not all of those eggs will probably fertilize and become viable embryos, but there is a very good chance that we'll end up with more embryos than than the 1 we plan to put back. Therefore the question is, what do we want to do with those extra embryos?
In the short-term, the answer is simple. We want to save them in case the cycle doesn't work (although we all know that won't be the case) or when the time comes for us to further extend our family.
It is the long-term that raises questions. There may come a time when our family is complete and we may still have frozen embryos in storage. Additionally, the form asks us to provide instructions on the future of our embryos in the event of "special situations" such as divorce, death of a spouse, death of both of us, etc. We're essentially given 4 options for consideration:
1. thawing and discarding the embryos according to clinic protocol
2. cryopreserving and donating the embryos for research purposes
3. cryopreserving and making them available for use by X and X.
4. cryopreserving and donating the embryos for anonymous use by another person or couple
I brought this topic up during dinner tonight with the Husband. He was quick with an opinion. Anything other than option 1 (thaw and discard) didn't seem right to him. He didn't like the idea of an embryo with our genetic make-up out in the world without us.
I, on the other hand, am undecided. The "discarding" language of the first option upsets me slightly and I can't help but hear a flushing noise when I think about it.
Part of me is also very uncomfortable with the idea of donation. The idea that our embryo, with our DNA, could come into this world as part of another family. But at the same time, I know the extreme pain, heartache and yearning that comes from infertility and there is something about the possibility of us helping another couple recognize their dream of a child that I think warrants some thought.
The research option also interests me as I understand that research on embryos has the potential to produce many major medical discovers such as cures for previously untreatable diseases and disorders. However, I am aware of the ethical and religious views on these types of experiments.
So, I am undecided.
I think we'll both sleep on it for a few nights and see where we end up as we know there is really no right or wrong answer. We just need to determine what feels right to us.
Total Pill Count: 6 Total Shot Count: 0
The packet contains a consent form that is 6 pages in length titled "Authorization For Embryo Cryopreservation." Basically, it is all what we want to do with any extra embryos that are created during our IVF cycle. In all of our meetings with the Dr. thus far, he has been very optimistic about the ability for me to stimulate well and therefore generate lots of eggs for fertilization. At one point he quoted 10-15 eggs as what he might expect. Now, not all of those eggs will probably fertilize and become viable embryos, but there is a very good chance that we'll end up with more embryos than than the 1 we plan to put back. Therefore the question is, what do we want to do with those extra embryos?
In the short-term, the answer is simple. We want to save them in case the cycle doesn't work (although we all know that won't be the case) or when the time comes for us to further extend our family.
It is the long-term that raises questions. There may come a time when our family is complete and we may still have frozen embryos in storage. Additionally, the form asks us to provide instructions on the future of our embryos in the event of "special situations" such as divorce, death of a spouse, death of both of us, etc. We're essentially given 4 options for consideration:
1. thawing and discarding the embryos according to clinic protocol
2. cryopreserving and donating the embryos for research purposes
3. cryopreserving and making them available for use by X and X.
4. cryopreserving and donating the embryos for anonymous use by another person or couple
I brought this topic up during dinner tonight with the Husband. He was quick with an opinion. Anything other than option 1 (thaw and discard) didn't seem right to him. He didn't like the idea of an embryo with our genetic make-up out in the world without us.
I, on the other hand, am undecided. The "discarding" language of the first option upsets me slightly and I can't help but hear a flushing noise when I think about it.
Part of me is also very uncomfortable with the idea of donation. The idea that our embryo, with our DNA, could come into this world as part of another family. But at the same time, I know the extreme pain, heartache and yearning that comes from infertility and there is something about the possibility of us helping another couple recognize their dream of a child that I think warrants some thought.
The research option also interests me as I understand that research on embryos has the potential to produce many major medical discovers such as cures for previously untreatable diseases and disorders. However, I am aware of the ethical and religious views on these types of experiments.
So, I am undecided.
I think we'll both sleep on it for a few nights and see where we end up as we know there is really no right or wrong answer. We just need to determine what feels right to us.
Total Pill Count: 6 Total Shot Count: 0
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Day 4: Bye Bye Happy Pulse
I had an acupuncture appointment this morning. I started going in October so I am going on my 4th month of treatment. Overall I like it, but honestly if it wasn't covered by our insurance I am not sure I would pay $85 per treatment. But research shows that it can help with infertility and conception so I am giving it my best shot and keeping an open mind.
When I first started going back in October, I am pretty sure I had some really bad Qi going on. The acupuncturist didn't come right out and say that at the time, but I hear it in her comments now that things are flowing more smoothly.
A typical appt goes as follows: she welcomes me in, we sit and talk for about 10 minutes. This is my chance to talk about where I am at with my cycle, and how my body feels in general (pain here, bloating there, etc). She then decides on my treatment plan for the day (which acupuncture points need attention) based on what I tell her in those first 10 minutes as well as an examination of my pulse and my tongue. She inserts the needles, sets up the heat lamp on my feet, puts on the calming music, turns down the lights and lets me rest for 45-60 minutes.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, pulse diagnosis is important for two reasons - it can give very detailed information on the state of the internal organs and it reflects the whole complex of Qi, Blood Yin, Yang and every part of the body.
Over the past couple of months she says has seen a noticeable improvement in my pulse. In fact, last week she was thrilled with my pulse. "It's a happy pulse" she exclaimed! This week, the happy pulse was gone and while it was still relatively relaxed, there was a 'tenseness' in it. She described it like taunt string. She thought could be from the disruptive sleep I got this week (something I told her during our discussion).
This diagnosis led to a few new acupuncture points today including a few at the top of my head to "calm the brain." Ironically, today was one of the few occasions that I didn't sleep during treatment as my mind was racing. I guess my brain wasn't in the mood to be 'calmed.'
Pill Count: 6 | Shot Count: 0
When I first started going back in October, I am pretty sure I had some really bad Qi going on. The acupuncturist didn't come right out and say that at the time, but I hear it in her comments now that things are flowing more smoothly.
A typical appt goes as follows: she welcomes me in, we sit and talk for about 10 minutes. This is my chance to talk about where I am at with my cycle, and how my body feels in general (pain here, bloating there, etc). She then decides on my treatment plan for the day (which acupuncture points need attention) based on what I tell her in those first 10 minutes as well as an examination of my pulse and my tongue. She inserts the needles, sets up the heat lamp on my feet, puts on the calming music, turns down the lights and lets me rest for 45-60 minutes.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, pulse diagnosis is important for two reasons - it can give very detailed information on the state of the internal organs and it reflects the whole complex of Qi, Blood Yin, Yang and every part of the body.
Over the past couple of months she says has seen a noticeable improvement in my pulse. In fact, last week she was thrilled with my pulse. "It's a happy pulse" she exclaimed! This week, the happy pulse was gone and while it was still relatively relaxed, there was a 'tenseness' in it. She described it like taunt string. She thought could be from the disruptive sleep I got this week (something I told her during our discussion).
This diagnosis led to a few new acupuncture points today including a few at the top of my head to "calm the brain." Ironically, today was one of the few occasions that I didn't sleep during treatment as my mind was racing. I guess my brain wasn't in the mood to be 'calmed.'
Pill Count: 6 | Shot Count: 0
Friday, January 29, 2010
Day 3: Plan B
While I was sitting at Walgreens last night waiting for my birth control prescription, two teenage girls came up to the pharmacy counter and told the guy very casually, "we need a Plan B." He checked their ID, they handed him a pack of candy to add to the transaction and $37.98 later, the transaction was done. They had their Plan B in hand and were on their way to "preventing pregnancy after known or suspected contraceptive failure or unprotected intercourse."
I've always considered myself pro-choice, but I must admit witnessing this transaction made me very sad. Here I sit wanting desperately for a baby after 2 years of trying about to spend $15k in an attempt to have one. These girls want desperately not to have one and hand over their $36 to ensure they don't.
I've always considered myself pro-choice, but I must admit witnessing this transaction made me very sad. Here I sit wanting desperately for a baby after 2 years of trying about to spend $15k in an attempt to have one. These girls want desperately not to have one and hand over their $36 to ensure they don't.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Day 2: Baseline & Bloodwork
Big day today with our first visit to the Dr. since our official IVF start. Got a lot accomplished today at the clinic, so brace yourself for a long update. So far everything is going according to plan and I am happy to finally be 'in progress.'
Here is an overview of the various appts we had at the clinic. The only inaccuracy was that we didn't get all four things done in 15 minutes. We were there for over an hour.
First up when we arrived was a slew of blood work for both of us. They took 6 vials of blood from me. I sat there and watched the blood flow out, vial after vial getting filled up for testing. The Husband got off a bit a bit easier and just had to give up a measly 3 vials. The lab work included infectious disease screening for both me and the Husband, as required by IVF laboratories. Preconception screening is added for me (hence the 3 extra vials), which includes: my blood type, immunity to varicella (chicken pox) and rubella, a complete blood count (testing for anemia), prolactin and thyroid levels.
Next, we moved on to what they call a follicular ultrasound which is basically a vaginal ultrasound that looks at the uterus, ovaries and follicles. Purpose of today's ultrasound was to get a baseline count of how many antral follicles I had developing. Ultrasound counts of ovarian antral follicles are a good predictor of ovarian reserve, egg supply and the expected response to ovarian stimulation with medications. The doctor described looking at your follicles sort of looking at a chocolate chip cookie. The dark areas (the chocolate chips) are the follicles within the cookie (ovary). Well, I am happy to report this girl makes a mean chocolate chip cookie! My follicle count was very high. 25+ on one side and 15+ on the other. This is a positive sign and means that I should stimulate well and generate a good quantity of eggs. In IVF cycles a good quantity of eggs is a good thing! The only negative, is that because I had so many follicles already (without the help of meds) they need to be careful not to overstimulate me which can lead to a serious medical condition called hyperstimulation ovarian stimulation and could put me in the hospital. So to avoid this, the Dr. has decided to extend the suppression phase of the cycle...more about that later.
Final stop at the clinic was a meeting with our nurse to go through the schedule in more detail, get upcoming appts set and get meds ordered.
Got a call this afternoon from the nurse once the Dr had a chance to review my blood work and the ultrasound results. And the good news is that everything looks good (no cysts or concerns) and I am approved to move onto the next phase of treatment which is the "Suppression" stage. This phase will last about 4 weeks and the purpose of this stage is to use birth control and a medicine called Lupron to prevent ovarian cysts from occurring, and to block spontaneous ovulation during the stimulation cycle. Basically, during this phase they want to shut down your reproductive system so that they can have full control of it.
So next up on the schedule is 2 1/2 weeks of birth control pills and a baby aspirin every morning...let the meds begin and let the control end.
Total cycle pill count: 2
Here is an overview of the various appts we had at the clinic. The only inaccuracy was that we didn't get all four things done in 15 minutes. We were there for over an hour.
First up when we arrived was a slew of blood work for both of us. They took 6 vials of blood from me. I sat there and watched the blood flow out, vial after vial getting filled up for testing. The Husband got off a bit a bit easier and just had to give up a measly 3 vials. The lab work included infectious disease screening for both me and the Husband, as required by IVF laboratories. Preconception screening is added for me (hence the 3 extra vials), which includes: my blood type, immunity to varicella (chicken pox) and rubella, a complete blood count (testing for anemia), prolactin and thyroid levels.
Next, we moved on to what they call a follicular ultrasound which is basically a vaginal ultrasound that looks at the uterus, ovaries and follicles. Purpose of today's ultrasound was to get a baseline count of how many antral follicles I had developing. Ultrasound counts of ovarian antral follicles are a good predictor of ovarian reserve, egg supply and the expected response to ovarian stimulation with medications. The doctor described looking at your follicles sort of looking at a chocolate chip cookie. The dark areas (the chocolate chips) are the follicles within the cookie (ovary). Well, I am happy to report this girl makes a mean chocolate chip cookie! My follicle count was very high. 25+ on one side and 15+ on the other. This is a positive sign and means that I should stimulate well and generate a good quantity of eggs. In IVF cycles a good quantity of eggs is a good thing! The only negative, is that because I had so many follicles already (without the help of meds) they need to be careful not to overstimulate me which can lead to a serious medical condition called hyperstimulation ovarian stimulation and could put me in the hospital. So to avoid this, the Dr. has decided to extend the suppression phase of the cycle...more about that later.
Final stop at the clinic was a meeting with our nurse to go through the schedule in more detail, get upcoming appts set and get meds ordered.
Got a call this afternoon from the nurse once the Dr had a chance to review my blood work and the ultrasound results. And the good news is that everything looks good (no cysts or concerns) and I am approved to move onto the next phase of treatment which is the "Suppression" stage. This phase will last about 4 weeks and the purpose of this stage is to use birth control and a medicine called Lupron to prevent ovarian cysts from occurring, and to block spontaneous ovulation during the stimulation cycle. Basically, during this phase they want to shut down your reproductive system so that they can have full control of it.
So next up on the schedule is 2 1/2 weeks of birth control pills and a baby aspirin every morning...let the meds begin and let the control end.
Total cycle pill count: 2
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Day 1: Financing & Paperwork
YAY! We’re officially at the starting line. Day 1. For the next 8-10 weeks we’ll be living our lives on truly a day-by-day basis. Every day for the next 60+ days has a task for us to complete (appointments, shots, tests, etc). There is no doubt, this treatment plan will be intesnse, but as a list person, this to-do list regimen is right up my alley.
Today our biggest decision was regarding financing and payment. We met with a financial counseler a few weeks ago at the clinic. She gave us an treatment estimate for 1 IVF cycle with a total of $13,070 + medication which is estimated to add an additional $3,000 - $4,000. So all up, one cycle through the clinic is about $16,000 - $17,000. Unfortunately, for us zero, nada, zilch of these costs are covered by our insurance so all $16-17k will be out of pocket.
Since she knew we were paying out of pocket, the financial counselor also mentioned to us a partnership they have with a company called ARC. The way I understand it ARC has partnerships with clinics nationwide and they offer ‘package’ deals and refund guarantee programs. The good news is that it has been a while since the clinic has renegociated their fee rates so the ARC contracts in place are based on the old, less expensive fees. So I called ARC and found out that we could get what is called a “One Cycle Plus Plan” for a total of $9,437 at a base cost. The plan give us a ‘bundle’ deal of 1 fresh cycle and 1 frozen cycle for a cost lower than the 1 cycle directly through the clinic. Duh, that’s a no brainer. Sign us up! Now there are a slew of costs this bundle deal doesn’t cover (meds, baseline ultrasound, trial transfer, anesthesia, etc.), so I estimate that the total cost is really like $15,000 for one cycle, but we’re still saving about $1-2k and we are still getting the 1 frozen cycle basically ‘free’ with this plan. I also think it was very was nice for the counselor to suggest it since it sounds like less money for the clinic at the end of the day.
So then the tough decision for us was considering what they call a “Refund Guarantee Program.” Basically this is an add on insurance policy. You pay an incremental amount more, but if not successful at the end of the 2 cycles, you’ll get a portion of your money back. We filled out an application and it came back with an add on cost for us of $7,000. So if we added on the refund guarantee we pay $16,400 instead of the $9,400, but if not successful at the end of the 2 cycles, we’d get $11,000 back.
I was a bit discouraged by this figure as a result of my application. Basically this tells me that they think there is a pretty good chance I may fail, and therefore a pretty good chance they’ll need to pay out the refund. Therefore they want to charge us a crapload upfront to help mitigate the risk. The analogy to this would be the auto premium that is charged to an 18 year old male driver of a red sports car. Seriously, am I that much of a risk?!
Anyway, we talked about it and feel like this is NOT A GOOD DEAL. We’d rather keep our $7,000 in the bank. Hope, pray, beg, and think positive thoughts that this will work for us and if for some reason it doesn’t, we’ll decide where to go from there.
So we signed the 7-page contract for the One Cycle Plus Plan and sent in the credit card #. It is a bit painful for me mentally to let go of the money aspect all of this. It is one of the many unnatural parts of this IVF process and in some ways we feel like we are buying our baby. As a bargain shopper (I LOVE a good deal) I can’t help but feel like we’re getting screwed. Why do we have to pay $15,000 of our hard earned savings to get something that 95% of the population gets for ‘free? In fact some people get it for free and don’t even want it.
But, I just need to remember a lesson my parents ingrained in me at a very young age —Life isn’t fair. Unfair is right.
Big day tomorrow with an 8 am appt with the Dr. I’ll send out an update tomorrow night with the details!
Today our biggest decision was regarding financing and payment. We met with a financial counseler a few weeks ago at the clinic. She gave us an treatment estimate for 1 IVF cycle with a total of $13,070 + medication which is estimated to add an additional $3,000 - $4,000. So all up, one cycle through the clinic is about $16,000 - $17,000. Unfortunately, for us zero, nada, zilch of these costs are covered by our insurance so all $16-17k will be out of pocket.
Since she knew we were paying out of pocket, the financial counselor also mentioned to us a partnership they have with a company called ARC. The way I understand it ARC has partnerships with clinics nationwide and they offer ‘package’ deals and refund guarantee programs. The good news is that it has been a while since the clinic has renegociated their fee rates so the ARC contracts in place are based on the old, less expensive fees. So I called ARC and found out that we could get what is called a “One Cycle Plus Plan” for a total of $9,437 at a base cost. The plan give us a ‘bundle’ deal of 1 fresh cycle and 1 frozen cycle for a cost lower than the 1 cycle directly through the clinic. Duh, that’s a no brainer. Sign us up! Now there are a slew of costs this bundle deal doesn’t cover (meds, baseline ultrasound, trial transfer, anesthesia, etc.), so I estimate that the total cost is really like $15,000 for one cycle, but we’re still saving about $1-2k and we are still getting the 1 frozen cycle basically ‘free’ with this plan. I also think it was very was nice for the counselor to suggest it since it sounds like less money for the clinic at the end of the day.
So then the tough decision for us was considering what they call a “Refund Guarantee Program.” Basically this is an add on insurance policy. You pay an incremental amount more, but if not successful at the end of the 2 cycles, you’ll get a portion of your money back. We filled out an application and it came back with an add on cost for us of $7,000. So if we added on the refund guarantee we pay $16,400 instead of the $9,400, but if not successful at the end of the 2 cycles, we’d get $11,000 back.
I was a bit discouraged by this figure as a result of my application. Basically this tells me that they think there is a pretty good chance I may fail, and therefore a pretty good chance they’ll need to pay out the refund. Therefore they want to charge us a crapload upfront to help mitigate the risk. The analogy to this would be the auto premium that is charged to an 18 year old male driver of a red sports car. Seriously, am I that much of a risk?!
Anyway, we talked about it and feel like this is NOT A GOOD DEAL. We’d rather keep our $7,000 in the bank. Hope, pray, beg, and think positive thoughts that this will work for us and if for some reason it doesn’t, we’ll decide where to go from there.
So we signed the 7-page contract for the One Cycle Plus Plan and sent in the credit card #. It is a bit painful for me mentally to let go of the money aspect all of this. It is one of the many unnatural parts of this IVF process and in some ways we feel like we are buying our baby. As a bargain shopper (I LOVE a good deal) I can’t help but feel like we’re getting screwed. Why do we have to pay $15,000 of our hard earned savings to get something that 95% of the population gets for ‘free? In fact some people get it for free and don’t even want it.
But, I just need to remember a lesson my parents ingrained in me at a very young age —Life isn’t fair. Unfair is right.
Big day tomorrow with an 8 am appt with the Dr. I’ll send out an update tomorrow night with the details!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Let the TMI begin...
As I finished up that first post, I ironically started my period. Let the official IVF process begin. I'll put a call in to the official "Day 1" voicemail line tomorrow at the doctors.
After sitting on the sidelines for the past 3 months I am ready to go. I am $20,000 and 8-10 weeks away from a potential pregnancy. That gets me excited!
After sitting on the sidelines for the past 3 months I am ready to go. I am $20,000 and 8-10 weeks away from a potential pregnancy. That gets me excited!
Another blog...
I've thought long and hard about documenting our struggles with infertility on our public family blog. It is suppose to be ALL about our lives and in a lot of ways I feel like a fake painting a picture that our life is always rosy and fun filled with romantic dates, exciting trips and fun with friends, when behind closed doors that isn't always the case. Yelling, screaming, tears, heartbreak, jealously, anger...Behind closed doors our lives have been anything but rosy and fun over the past 2 years as we have desperately struggled to have a baby.
In some ways I want share all of the details with our friends and family since I tend to be a pretty open person, especially with those close to me (and, oddly sometimes with strangers -- e.g. the yoga teacher I told today about our IVF!). In other ways I've lost a lot of myself during this 2 year struggle and in many ways and on many days I am a screaming, crying, mess of a person. This messy, vulnerable person isn't someone I want to share with our larger social group.
So why start another blog? Well, for a few reasons:
- I think it will help me to open up about this process. I often go to bed at night with a lot of it bottled up in my head and heavy on my heart. The Husband can only handle so much and in some ways it is a whole lot easier to talk to a keyboard and computer screen than a real person. For one, they don't judge and two, never say the wrong thing.
- There are hundreds of blogs out there about IVF and infertility and it has been so helpful to read about the experiences of others. Plus, just about every blog I find about IVF eventually makes the "I'M PREGNANT" post so perhaps there is a part of me that thinks there may be some good karma which comes from sharing your story and helping other desperate and confused infertile women. And if good karma is being passed around, I want to be sure I'm in line to receive a generous helping of it.
- And finally, the blog will be a great distraction for me. The waiting game that is involved in this process is more painful for me than any of the shots I've received or the procedures I've undergone. I want the next few months to fly by and blogging is a good time suck activity.
There is a very good chance that no one will ever read this blog besides the small handful of friends I will share this URL with...and I am okay with that. But I also welcome others who may find me via search and find comfort in the fact that they are not alone on this long, windy, scary road of infertility.
In some ways I want share all of the details with our friends and family since I tend to be a pretty open person, especially with those close to me (and, oddly sometimes with strangers -- e.g. the yoga teacher I told today about our IVF!). In other ways I've lost a lot of myself during this 2 year struggle and in many ways and on many days I am a screaming, crying, mess of a person. This messy, vulnerable person isn't someone I want to share with our larger social group.
So why start another blog? Well, for a few reasons:
- I think it will help me to open up about this process. I often go to bed at night with a lot of it bottled up in my head and heavy on my heart. The Husband can only handle so much and in some ways it is a whole lot easier to talk to a keyboard and computer screen than a real person. For one, they don't judge and two, never say the wrong thing.
- There are hundreds of blogs out there about IVF and infertility and it has been so helpful to read about the experiences of others. Plus, just about every blog I find about IVF eventually makes the "I'M PREGNANT" post so perhaps there is a part of me that thinks there may be some good karma which comes from sharing your story and helping other desperate and confused infertile women. And if good karma is being passed around, I want to be sure I'm in line to receive a generous helping of it.
- And finally, the blog will be a great distraction for me. The waiting game that is involved in this process is more painful for me than any of the shots I've received or the procedures I've undergone. I want the next few months to fly by and blogging is a good time suck activity.
There is a very good chance that no one will ever read this blog besides the small handful of friends I will share this URL with...and I am okay with that. But I also welcome others who may find me via search and find comfort in the fact that they are not alone on this long, windy, scary road of infertility.
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